Doctor's Health Tip - May 2009
Finding a Moral Compass

Studies have shown that peace of mind and a good conscience lead to good health.  One way to have peace of mind is to find a moral compass.  But what are the consequences of not having a moral compass.

When I was young I was like every other child, influenced by my friends and lacking in restraint and discipline.

When I look back upon my life there are certain events that stand out from other events.  Many of them I remember because they were painful.  One of them is when I was about 7yrs old and I was with a friend of mine and we let the air out of the tire of the parked bicycle of a neighborhood girl. She lived next door to my friend.  I don’t remember the act of letting the air out of the tire or which one of us did it, but I do know that my father found out about it. 

When I got home I could tell I was in big trouble.  There was my father waiting for me.  He didn’t look happy.  He told me he knew that we let the air out of the neighbor’s bicycle tire and how would I like that if someone did that to me.  He went on and on and when he saw I wasn’t getting it, he stopped.  He then said I had to get the bicycle pump from our garage, go to the girl’s house, knock on the door and apologize. Then, ask permission from whoever answered the door, if I could pump up her bicycle tire.  I was horrified.  My world stopped. I could not see myself doing this.  I was afraid, ashamed and humiliated at the thought of what he was making me do.  What if my friends saw me.  I thought I could hide out in the back yard and then just tell him I did it, or sneak over to their house and pump up the tire and leave with out knocking on their door. But my father saw through all that.  He said I had to do what he said and he would know if I didn’t.  I had no choice, I had to do it.

I mustered up the courage and grabbed the red bicycle pump with the black handle. With tears streaming down my face I went to the neighbor’s house and knocked on the door. The girl’s mother answered and I don’t remember what I said but I remember I could hardly see her because of my tears.  She said the bicycle was in the storage room.  I went in and pumped it up so it was in perfect condition; I felt a wave of relief and calm come over me and went home.  I don’t remember anything else but I know the deep effect this incident had on me at the time, and it has stayed with me my whole life. 

My father seized a particular moment in my life and impressed a portion of his character onto it - forever.  He had a way of teaching where words could never come close.  He could have sat me down and said look son, “Take responsibility for your actions, don’t hide from your problems, have respect for other peoples property, do the right thing, do to others what you would like them to do to you, don’t follow the crowd, think about your actions, bla bla bla” and I would have said OK and been sent to my room.  And I would have never remembered a word, the event, or the experience. I would have learned nothing.  Instead, it was painful for him and painful for me.  But out of that pain and through time, my father showed me what character was. Having a higher authority as your moral compass.  Today I aspire to live up to it.

My friend that was with me that day continued to get into trouble for the rest of his very short life. 

My father is no longer here for me to thank him.  But I know, that he knew at the time, that there was a “future me” that would.

So how do we find a moral compass if we don’t have one forced upon us?
Search and find a higher moral authority.  Write down and define our personal code.
Take responsibility for our mistakes and use them to learn from and change.
Listen to our conscience. It’s always there and it’s always communicating to us.
Don’t make excuses.  Excuses are a reason not to change.